Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children. fitness & parenting
I am afraid we must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy. best
Life would be tolerable but for its amusements. life
The art of government is the organisation of idolatry. art & government
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. power
The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post. love
Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire the other is to get it. life
There is no subject on which more dangerous nonsense is talked and thought than marriage. marriage
A veteran journalist has never had time to think twice before he writes. time
Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to the country and to mankind is to bring up a family. family
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. life & work
Every man over forty is a scoundrel. aging
Beauty is all very well at first sight but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days? beauty
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. being funny & government
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. art, education & science
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. communication
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it. patriotism
Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability. fame
Never fret for an only son, the idea of failure will never occur to him. failure
All my life affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it. life
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. dreams
The truth is, hardly any of us have ethical energy enough for more than one really inflexible point of honor. truth
The love of economy is the root of all virtue. love
The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me. love & women
Life levels all men. Death reveals the eminent. death, life & men
A happy family is but an earlier heaven. family
The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office. war
A man of great common sense and good taste - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage. courage, being good & greatness
Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food. food & love
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future. the future & wisdom
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. history
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. best
There is no sincerer love than the love of food. food & love
One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't. men
We are the only real aristocracy in the world: the aristocracy of money. money
Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable. art
The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people. success
You are going to let the fear of poverty govern you life and your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live. fear & life
The great advantage of a hotel is that it is a refuge from home life. greatness, home & life
Home life is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo. home & life
Power does not corrupt men fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power. men & power
An index is a great leveller. greatness
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. health
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means. religion
Capitalism has destroyed our belief in any effective power but that of self interest backed by force. power
Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else. love
Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability. men
What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child. knowledge
Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will. imagination
Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends. food
Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough. time
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. government
My reputation grows with every failure. failure
All great truths begin as blasphemies. greatness
Nothing is ever done in this world until men are prepared to kill one another if it is not done. men
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. power
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. men
Clever and attractive women do not want to vote they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men. men & women
A little learning is a dangerous thing, but we must take that risk because a little is as much as our biggest heads can hold. learning
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. being good
There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it. religion
In a battle all you need to make you fight is a little hot blood and the knowledge that it's more dangerous to lose than to win. knowledge
It is the mark of a truly intelligent person to be moved by statistics. intelligence
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence. intelligence
Beauty is a short-lived tyranny. beauty & beauty
If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience. experience, history & learning
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. change
Hell is full of musical amateurs. music
I never thought much of the courage of a lion tamer. Inside the cage he is at least safe from people. courage
Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die do not outlive yourself. health & life
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. marriage
It is most unwise for people in love to marry. love
The best place to find God is in a garden. You can dig for him there. best, gardening & God
Until the men of action clear out the talkers we who have social consciences are at the mercy of those who have none. men
The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business. business
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. love
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. learning
Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness. society & time
Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous. peace & war
I'm an atheist and I thank God for it. God
Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. food
Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. life
Marriage is good enough for the lower classes: they have facilities for desertion that are denied to us. being good & marriage
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it. happiness
When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work. failure & work
Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles. life
Choose silence of all virtues, for by it you hear other men's imperfections, and conceal your own. men
Beware of false knowledge it is more dangerous than ignorance. knowledge & wisdom
If all the economists were laid end to end, they'd never reach a conclusion. business
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. life
What Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep a motor car? cars & politics
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. life
Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience. experience & men
You use a glass mirror to see your face you use works of art to see your soul. art
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. being funny & life
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. experience & men
When a man says money can do anything, that settles it: he hasn't got any. money
Old men are dangerous: it doesn't matter to them what is going to happen to the world. men
If women were particular about men's characters, they would never get married at all. men & women
Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time. success & time
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. family
Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. nature
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. life
Lack of money is the root of all evil. money
He's a man of great common sense and good taste - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage. courage, being good & greatness
You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race. patriotism
She had lost the art of conversation but not, unfortunately, the power of speech. art & power
Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness. happiness
The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and about all time. time
It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture. being good
I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad. home & travel
Science never solves a problem without creating ten more. science
Only on paper has humanity yet achieved glory, beauty, truth, knowledge, virtue, and abiding love. beauty, knowledge, love & truth
Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended. greatness & sports
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. anniversary & marriage