A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. money
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. time
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. life
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. family, men & women
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. humor & smile
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. death & hope
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. best
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. equality
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? death
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree. women
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. food
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. being funny
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. trust
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one. women
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home. home & New Year's Day
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. food & travel
I like children - fried. being funny
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. food & being funny
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. best
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. politics
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. greatness
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. success
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. experience & life
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. money