Quotes and anectdotes from the wise to the foolish, and the courageous to the drunk

Josh Billings Humorist

  • Gender: Male
  • Citizenship: United States
  • Born: Apr 21, 1818
  • Died: Oct 14, 1885

Josh Billings was the pen name of 19th-century American humorist Henry Wheeler Shaw. Although his reputation has not endured so well with later generations, in the latter half of the 19th century he was a famous humor writer and lecturer in the United States, perhaps second only to Mark Twain.

Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves. knowledge & money

There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. fitness & health

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. fear

If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety. faith

The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. best & time

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. happiness

Love looks through a telescope envy, through a microscope. love

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. travel

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. hope

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money. money

Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense. intelligence

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. funny

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. truth

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout. best

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs. best

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. truth

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them. family

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. good

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. money

One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can. best

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. change

There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. intelligence

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread. wisdom

Men mourn for what they have lost women for what they ain't got. women

There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply. experience

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. love & pet

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. funny & power

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry. age & home

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money. money

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way. best

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. funny

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. funny & imagination

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go. money

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time. happiness

Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. thankful

The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm. money

Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has. learning & wisdom

Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe. learning & wisdom

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. good & life

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease. wisdom

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. God, marriage & smile

There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. forgiveness

Thanksgiving November 28, 2024

The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest. 32 sayings from William Blake

32 sayings from William Blake

Drink and be thankful to the host! What seems insignificant when you have it, is important when you need it. 6 more quotes from Franz Grillparzer

6 more quotes from Franz Grillparzer

For what I have received may the Lord make me truly thankful. And more truly for what I have not received. 2 other thoughts from Storm Jameson

2 other thoughts from Storm Jameson

To give thanks in solitude is enough. Thanksgiving has wings and goes where it must go. Your prayer knows much more about it than you do. 73 wisdom & wit from Victor Hugo

73 wisdom & wit from Victor Hugo