Quotes & anectdotes from the wise, the foolish, the courageous & the drunk

George Burns Comedian

  • Gender: Male
  • Citizenship: United States
  • Born: Jan 20, 1896
  • Died: Mar 9, 1996

George Burns, born Nathan Birnbaum, was an American comedian, award-winning actor and best-selling writer.

He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, film, radio, and television. His arched eyebrow and cigar-smoke punctuation became familiar trademarks for over three-quarters of a century.

When Burns was 79, his career was resurrected as an amiable, beloved and unusually active old comedian in the 1975 film The Sunshine Boys, for which he won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. He continued to work until shortly before his death, in 1996, at the age of 100.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. aging

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something. aging

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. aging

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. the future

I can't afford to die I'd lose too much money. money

At my age flowers scare me. aging

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. aging & being funny

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. aging & women

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. aging

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. family, being funny & happiness

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. failure, love & success

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. the future

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday. being funny

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. failure & success

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. aging

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. aging

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. being funny

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman it depends on how much happiness you can handle. being good & happiness

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. money

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. time

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. being funny

St. Patrick's Day March 17, 2025

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. 3 other quotes from John Millington Synge

3 other quotes from John Millington Synge

Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. 28 more sayings from William Butler Yeats

28 more sayings from William Butler Yeats

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. 27 quotes from Dave Barry

27 quotes from Dave Barry

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. 74 wisdom & wit from Winston Churchill

74 wisdom & wit from Winston Churchill